Last week they discussed natural pain relief methods, and this week dealt with other pain relief methods, which included gas, injection and of course epidural. Nadine (the midwife who takes the course) seems to like her alternative medecine; I don't think she painted a very pretty picture of the epidural process. But then let's be fair, besides the anaesthetist that charges $600 for the procedure, I can't think of many people who would manage to make it sound appealing. Darryl-Lee said it was the worst 15 minutes of her life. She also said she'd do it all over again.
So, the birth...
During the first stage, dilation is at around 1cm per hour. If not already done, make sure there's tarpaulin everywhere, especially on the car seat as amniotic fluid will instantly reduce the car's resale value.
Calling the midwife needs to be done at the second stage, when contractions come every five minutes and last for a minute. Unless it's night time, in which case I should wait till the morning so as not to piss off the woman who will be spending some time poking things around in between my legs.
If the placenta expelling needs to be artificially induced, we have 7 minutes before the cervix shuts down for business. Some people take it home, presumably to bury it under a tree to celebrate the birth. I hope these people don't have a dog that likes digging.
We were given some photocopies, about "Unexpected outcomes" and ways for the LMC to deal with them. Nice way to call all the things that can screw up during labour. They included:
- Induction of labour, if there are risks to the mother or baby. In which case they'll put some Prostaglandin on the vagina; but other methods include hot baths, hot curries and hot sex. Works for me. Except for the curry.
- Artificial rupture of membranes, where the sac has to be manually poked and burst
- Augmentation, if the contractions are weakening. In which case an IV drip of Syntocinon is given
- Baby's heart beat monitoring, to check that they aren't getting stressed, and if so they'll pass meconium (baby's first poo... inside me :-S )
- Forceps / ventouse, which are respectively a set of metal salad tongs / plunger to pull the baby by the head
- Caesarean section, which apparently are performed on 30% women at Auckland Hospital.
On Thursday evening we went to Auckland Hospital, for a tour around the facilities. All the women who attended looked so heavily pregnant, the only bump that was slightly smaller than mine belonged to a man.
The hospital is huge with 9 floors in the main building, and I'm quite glad we went. We found out where to park, where to go, we got to see what a delivery room looks like, and how to get out of there. Good to know: there are cafes. And a bookshop. Though things weren't quite perfect - St Pierre's Sushi is missing out on a fantastic business opportunity there, with 600 births a month.
The visit was about 30mins long, and by the end of it I finally managed to relax. I hadn't heard a single blood-curling scream, or seen any nurse rushing around with a worried look on their face. But maybe it's because there are no nurses left in New Zealand.
I did notice a lot of people walking around with stethoscopes around their neck though. It's probably a status symbol in the medical world. I wonder whether the neurosurgeons walk around with TWO stethoscopes.
