The guys were sent to the kitchen area (I guess a nice change for some of these blokes - no, I'm not referring to you Bas, I love your hot chocolates too much to even think about being a smart ass.) to list their manly concerns about fatherhood.
So we, the less fortunate halves, were left to our own devices and discuss girly topics.
Traditionally, girly topics revolve around men, shopping, babies, fashion, Desperate Housewives and sex. Not that evening. We talked about poo, stitches, audience, breasts, weight gain and oh look! sex.
Sensitive souls, do not read beyond this full stop.
- Poo: most women in labour have, and will.
The good news are - midwives are so used to it that they'll deal with it before the labour partner even notices.
The even better news are - you can always head to the toilet prior to delivery.
If you wait till the last minute to go to the toilet, the potentially bad news are - you'll be pushing from the general lower abdomen area, so you might end up having a home water birth. In your toilet bowl. - Stitches: tears are also common. Fortunately, most aren't as bad as I thought they were (or maybe my brain went into survival mode again and thrusted a rosy filter around my ears) and generally heal on their own. Some do require stitching, in which case there are some tablets or something that can make water less alkaline and so urinating less painful. And in other cases, the obstetrician (or whoever has the scalpel handy at the time) will perform the cut. Any way to help prevent this? Yes. Dip a thumb or two in massage oil and rub them where they don't belong.
- Audience: how many people will take a peek in there? Labour partner(s), midwives, obstetrician, anaesthetist, paediatrician, and potentially any hospital intern/student. Any attempt at modesty will be promptly forgotten and/or ignored.
- Breasts: they've inflated. They may deflate. They'll degravitate. Nothing can be done.
- Weight gain: it's about normal to gain 10-12kgs during pregnancy, and slimmer frames are more likely to lose the weight faster. I distinctly heard someone gasp when I said that I've only gained 7kgs. Unfortunately there will still be a leftover bump after delivery, presumably caused by the vital KitKat reserves built up over the past 9 months. Wearing these corset-type nana's underwear might help.
- Sex: still possible until the last week of pregnancy, though if some women are not in the mood, they can always resort to wearing the aforementioned underwear as a deterrent.
Another visit at Auckland Obstetric, this time meeting Dr Paul McPherson again.
After all these nights struggling to learn to sleep on my left hand side, NOW he's telling me that it doesn't matter.
And that one theory as to why Dutch women are having such easy labours is because they bike everywhere. Easier said than done, Holland is as flat as a pancake, not hilly like New Zealand. Must remember to ask Bas to install the wind trainer in the lounge so I can have another token go at exercise.
